Like a Fine Wine...

. . . sex can get better with age

By Dr Laurie Betito

So here you are, a woman over 50, likely experiencing night sweats, hot flashes, dryness that can lead to painful intercourse, and dwindling mojo to boot. The good news? There are remedies, both hormonal and nonhormonal. Keep in mind that not everyone needs medical help for symptoms related to menopause. However, if your quality of life (yes, that includes sex life) is suffering, it’s time to seek advice from your gynaecologist.

As women age, they might notice it takes longer to get aroused and reach climax. The same is true for men. After all, less blood is flowing to the genitals and other erogenous zones. A simple solution is to increase the level of stimulation to the genitals, especially the clitoris, with the help of a vibrator. Your ability to achieve an orgasm does not go away, but you should lower expectations regard ing easily having one.

O r g a s m isn’t the ultimate goal for most women. In fact, many studies show that sexual satisfaction is tied to the overall experience of intimacy.

One major complaint for older women is painful or uncomfortable sex due to vaginal dryness. Unfortunately, far too many women give up on sex when this occurs. The solution is simple: a prescribed estrogen-based moisturizer or an over-the-counter lubricant.

Another issue is one of lost libido. Interestingly, what I’ve discovered is that women haven’t actually lost interest in sex, only a spontaneous desire for it. This is common for women in long-term relationships, regardless of age. Of course, it’s a complex issue, and if there were a magic pill it would have been developed by now. A woman’s desire is not only affected by her hormonal state but by how she feels about herself and her relationship.

Here’s a little tip if you aren’t dealing with relationship troubles: Allow your partner to stimulate your genitals for two minutes. Your task is to relax and feel the sensations. Once aroused, your desire to continue should kick in. Now take comfort in knowing that many women experience better sex as they age. All that’s needed is the right attitude, some lubricant, and a loving partner.

* Dr. Laurie Betito is a clinical psychologist with a specialty in sexuality. For a more thorough understanding of sexuality and sex over 50, you can read her book The Sex Bible for People Over 50: The Complete Guide to Sexual Love for Mature Couples. Dr. Betito runs a private practice in Montreal and is the nightly host of the radio program “Passion” on CJAD 800.

Summer 2015, Vol 7 N°3

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